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The Top Five Ways to Recognize Psychic Vampires

Have you ever just gotten off the phone or had a short lunch with somebody and feel like you could take a nap for days? You my friend have just been bitten by a psychic vampire.

Psychic vampires are harmless for the most part, but have the ability to drain every part of your emotional well being. Be careful because you never know where they are hiding and where they are going to bite. Here are some ways to identify who they are and how to stay away from them.

 

Recognize Psychic Vampires

 

1. The Needy Friend

Do you have a friend that needs constant reassurance and advice? Do her problems seem to stem from the fact that her father may or may not have given her enough attention at her 10th grade reproduction of Our Town? If you have one of these people in your life, it is possible they are psychic vampires.

Watch out because they will stop at nothing to drain the ever living life out of you with their three hour phone conversations. The way to stop the madness is to take this friend in small doses. Agree to only meet with these people on a weekly or sometimes monthly basis. By keeping these people at bay, your emotional hemoglobin will surely increase with in a week’s time.

 

2. The EZ Mart Lady

Ever need to stop at a shopping center or gas station on your way to work and decide to make friendly conversation with the workers? Then a coffee and honey bun later you find your self in a conversation about how Patty’s grandmother just had a hip replacement, Dotty lost her baby and Bobby Jo looks like she isn’t going to make it out of the ICU.

Be careful with these unsuspecting creatures because not only are you late for work, but you have just been emotionally infected as well. Next time you are on your way to work, make your own toast and coffee and season it with garlic just in case.

 

3. It Runs In the Family

Nothing scares me more than the psychic vampire unearthed in the form of family members. Unfortunately, you are stuck with these creatures for the rest of your eternity because your DNA says so. These vampires are particularly tricky because you love them the most, but be careful because they can do the most damage. They can come in all forms, shapes and sizes.

They can be your sister, brother, grandmother, mother, daughter or even son. So the next time Grandma wants to get in to a mortality debate regarding how many people have died at the Phase III Shady Pines Retirement Village, carry a wooden stake and quickly change the subject to tapioca pudding.

 

4. The Spouse

Next to relatives this type of vampire is the second scariest of them all. They are people you willingly let bite on your emotional neck. You even have documented legal proof in the form of a certificate from the state that proves you signed up on your own accord to do this.

For the most part this breed can be sweet and kind, but watch out because they can turn on you at a moments notice. If they come home from work with mismatched socks, missing buttons and two brief cases full of paperwork, that is your clue to run for the hills.

 

5. The Multiple Offender

In our lives there are some friends that are so much fun to be around, but keeping up with them turns out to be very scary indeed. These creatures are particularly tricky because everything they talk about seems like a great time. The problem is no matter how many times you go out with them, they keep thirsting for more.

Be careful with these types of beasts because you can find yourself on a three day camping trip in the Amazon Rain Forrest with just a can of bug spray and pajama bottoms with no recollection on how you got there. If you have let it get this far, it is too late for you because you have officially been bitten, infected and left for dead by a multiple offender psychic vampire.

 

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